Does Billy Pilgrim find happiness in SH5?

Billy Pilgrim is a ridiculous character. From his silly toga, to his sparkly Cinderella boots, he is a ludicrously crafted idiot. But I wonder if he finds happiness? I believe Billy rejects reality because he cannot handle the terror and carnage of such a world. He accepts an ignorant bliss (Tralfamadore and time travel) as a new reality, instead of facing a grim world. I don't know if adopting Tralfamadorian philosophy make Billy happier, but I would argue that Tralfamadorian ideals bring him comfort. He makes peace with what he cannot change, but in doing so, he seems to absolve himself of all responsibility in his life. His attitude makes him life's plaything, even though he, by knowing the future, has the ability to change its outcome. It's ironic that Billy has the power to control his life, because he seems to surrender all control. Still, I think he makes peace with his life. He believes there is no difference between what he can and cannot change; he cannot control what happens in the world and in his life because all events are part of the unchangeable movement of time. The Tralfamadorians also seem to turn away when something displeases them. They simply close their eyes to avoid looking at whatever they dislike (Montana Wildhack screaming in the human zoo). Billy reacts in a similar (yet more complicated manor). What is accomplished by turning away from the bad and shutting out the unbearable?

Thoughts on Beloved

Beloved. What a strange novel. When I think of Beloved, I think of a twisted web, with thousands of intertwining strands of mysticism, historical fiction, redemption, forgiveness, grief, pain, and so much more. Beloved. What a journey. There are countless directions to take when thinking and blogging about this novel, and I am still trying to figure out where to begin.

Happiness in Beloved seems to be an unattainable dream. Before Paul D came to 124, the future was about "keeping the past at bay," as if the past was a ravenous monster waiting to swallow Sethe up. Paul D does offer Sethe the chance to "make a life", but the unsatisfied past comes back in human form to feed on Sethe's life. I think Beloved almost sucked all the life out of Sethe, and whether Beloved's parasitic presence was caused by her need for vengeance or by her nature, Beloved's character represents powerful truths. It is difficult for anyone to understand Sethe's life, for she experienced horrors that hopefully many will never face. I don't believe that failing to suppress the past cannot be counted as a failure when a person's past is violated with baby's blood, mossy teeth, and a cracking whip. Learning about Sethe's life, I have to wonder if happiness is attainable. I know the ending of Beloved is hopeful, with Denver liberating herself and her town, Paul D's return, and Sethe's realization that she is "her own best thing." Still, picking up the pieces after such terror and pain seems impossible, and I can see how easy it would be to let your heart die, and simply try to fight off pain, rather than put it to rest. Perhaps happiness is a journey, and achieving happiness is a learning process. Sethe seemed content to live out her life, constantly shoving her past down, until Paul D arrived and changed everything. Perhaps we should not be content. "Something coming back from the dead hurts", and maybe we shouldn't shy away from this pain. Maybe we should, "let the monsters see [us] smile, let them see [us] smiling" (Vega4Life). Happiness can be found, but finding it is not always easy; we must persist.

The Stranger

I think I finally began to understand Meursault after our discussion on Monday. Camus' Preface was the final piece in a puzzle I have struggled with since we started reading The Stranger. But before I begin my commentary, I want to share the lyrics from "Existentialism on Prom Night", a song by Straylight Run. I could not help thinking of this song as I read Camus' novel.


"Existentialism On Prom Night"

When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in,
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed,
And we were dreaming,

There are moments when,
When I know it and
The world revolves around us,
And we're keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, kill for this

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would...

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would....

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.

I think the two lines that remind me of Meursault the most are, "We're glad for what we've got, done with what we've lost' (Existentialism). As a sensory person, I think Meursault is glad for what he has. He enjoys Marie's company, his smokes, and the beach; he is content with his life, and he doesn't seem to ask for anything more. During his imprisonment, Meursault reflects on his life, and seems to appreciate what he had before he went to jail, but he doesn't live with regret. He has lost his freedom, and he doesn't want to die, but he makes peace with his death. I think this is because Meursault doesn't linger on the past. He doesn't linger on the ambitions he once had as a student, or Maman's death, or anything in the past; he is "done with what [he's] lost" because he decides none of it really matters.

I was quick to judge Meursault in the beginning. I didn't understand his lifestyle, and I wondered if he was disconnected from society and lived without purpose. However, as I moved through the novel, I began to wonder if Meursault understood something about life that society fails to grasp. As a student, I am always busy thinking about the present and the future. I am striving for some greater purpose, or at least I think I am. But Meursault makes me question the purpose of life. His philosophy of life seems depressing, but enjoying a summer day on the beach, not worrying about getting ahead in life, or getting the highest paying job possible, doesn't sound too bad. In our discussions, we criticized Meursault for not having a purpose and not living life to the fullest, but what if living life to the fullest doesn't always include striving for more? What if happiness can be found when we enjoy the moment, instead of throwing ourselves into preparation for "the future"?

At first, I could not wrap my head around Meursault's crime. I could not understand how anyone could simply kill another human being without feeling regret or remorse. Once again, Camus' Preface brought clarity to my muddled thoughts, and I understood that the murder isn't necessarily the most important part of The Stranger. I find Meursault's unfailing dedication to the truth incredible. He ultimately perishes for this dedication, but I wonder if his dedication allows him to finally make peace with the world and its "gentle indifference"? (The Stranger)

The Metamorphosis

I found this story to be so strange. I see Gregor as a victim of his family’s dependency and a victim of the demanding world. Eventually, I think Gregor is pushed to his limit; he is drained, and he can give no more. I understand that, before his transformation, he chose to remain loyal to his family, and he carried the burden of his father’s debt because he cares for his family. Still, happiness doesn’t seem to factor into this story at all. To me, I see the characters are people who just exist. For Gregor, life was about taking care of his responsibilities and caring for his family. His existence was centered on his job. I think he just existed. He was like a well oiled machine; he functioned without emotion or thoughts. He was not human.
Even though Gregor’s change seems to make him more of a human than before his “metamorphosis,” I probably wouldn’t argue that Gregor finds happiness. He is so contained within his own world, and if he could find a way to escape his confinement, I do believe he could find happiness. Even the story takes place almost completely within Gregor’s home. The setting and the characters are contained within the flat, and life beyond the walls of the home seems so far away. I think happiness cannot even be considered until Gregor breaks free of his confinement.
Ironically, I think Gregor’s family finds happiness after Gregor dies. They go for a walk, and they all seem to feel lighter, as if a great burden has been lifted from their shoulders. I think the family’s reliance and dependence on Gregor withheld them. They chose to burden Gregor with responsibility, and I think they chose to contain themselves. However, once Gregor is gone, they are finally free of their dependence on him, and they can happily live their lives.